Seriously Parents

There are those of you who will immediately dismiss this article because I am not a parent and can't possibly understand what its like and blah blah blah. Hell, maybe I'll dismiss myself on the very day I become a father. However, I hope that I'll look back on this see a well reasoned argument from an unbiased individual who had my best interest at heart.  That being said, here's the crux of it.

You're kid isn't nearly as special as you think they are!

Now that you're finished gasping incredulously I want you to know that I have nothing against your kid. I definitely have nothing against kids in general. I love kids. I've watched dozens of them grow up in my family and they're all unique and gifted in their own ways. It's you that I have something against. Somewhere in the last few generations, parents went from being idealistic about their children to being downright fundamentalist about them. Parents no longer accept the idea that other kids are better than their kids. Not better in a classist way but, better at things.

Let me fill you in on something. There's a 99.999999 percent chance that your kid isn't the smartest kid ever. She's not the best soccer player that has ever lived. He's not a 6 year old Derek Jeter. If it turns out that they are, great! But, assuming that they are before they've tried is assinine and does nothing but hurt your children in the long run.

It's insane to me that there are sports leagues for kids over the age of 8 in which score isn't kept. Sports are about competition people! They're about trying your best and living with the results. They're about working hard and developing skills. They're about testing those skills against others. They're about team work and structure and sportsmanship. You know what they're not about? YOU!

You see, kids are resilient. They lose and they cry and they eat some pizza and they forget about it. They move on. Its you who can't handle it. And you're embarrassing yourself. No kid wants to be known for their parents' exploits on the sideline. You should beam with pride when your child does great, and comfort them when they fail. And that's really the point. Failure is part of life. You don't want it shoved down their throats when everything is suddenly out of your coddling hands.  You want them innoculated against failure as early as possible in an environment you can help control.

Failure is important. It shows us what we're not good at in order for us to find what we are good at. Most of us discover our talents by trial and error. Had I not discovered that I wasn't a great speaker I might never have found my talent for writing. And I'm sure all of you have at least one similar anecdote. Your kids need to fail.  They need to learn perseverance. They need to learn perspective. They need to find what they love, what they're passionate about. Most importantly they need parents who don't force them to be what they aren't.

You can't decide what your childs gift is. You can't even decide whether they have a gift at all. Do you know what happens when parents refuse to accept their children for how they are? The children always feel like disappointments. They can feel it. Do you know why your kid didn't make the team? Because, they weren't good enough! And that's ok. Unless you make it not ok. You bitching and complaining until the coach puts your kid in lineup doesn't make your kid feel better. It makes them feel worse. Deep down they know they aren't good enough at this particular thing and you throwing a fit makes them feel like its not ok that this isn't their thing. It makes them feel like you don't accept them the way they are.

Now, I'm not advocating never pushing your children. Most, if not all, kids need a swift kick in the ass from time to time to live up the their potential.  I'm advocating a little perspective with your children. Before you go ape shit another kid beat your kid put yourself in the shoes of the other parent. Be honest with yourself. Hell, ask your kid what they think. And before you stick your kid in a completely non competitive environment. Ask yourself, is that the way the world works?  Do we all get prizes just for showing up?

Being a kid is about having fun. If you, as a parent, aren't having fun then chances are your kid isn't either. But its also about learning life lessons. And learning to lose with grace is one of the most important lessons a person can learn. And I'll repeat, your children can handle it. I understand the desire to protect your children from pain but, there is only so much we can do. They will fall, they will cry, they will fail. Its your job to teach them to get back up. Its your job tell them that everything will be ok. Its your job teach them what failure means. It doesn't mean throw a fit. It means try harder, or try something else. It's not the end of world. It's not something they need to be protected against. Its a part of life.


PS.  Don't read the next paragraph if you're especially sensitive.

There's a special place in hell (figuratively of course) for parents who get into fist fights at pop warner football games and parents who dress there four year olds up like grown women to be judged on their looks. I'm sorry, but its true. And its pathetic beyond words.

Peace!